Hi, my name is Maddie. I’m a 20-year-old disabled college student who also struggles with mental illnesses. I’m currently recovering from my second major surgery in 5 months, as well as dealing with my daily chronic illness problems. I’m being treated for major depressive disorder, anxiety, insomnia, and PTSD, and am in eating disorder recovery as well. 

 

My mental illnesses impacted my self-worth and confidence.  In every romantic relationship I’ve had, I felt like I was the “weak link.” I allowed past boyfriends to walk all over me and did anything I could to please them and “make up” for my “deficits” that were my mental illnesses. My first two relationships included some sort of abuse. My third was ridiculously toxic and unhealthy. 

 

My first many sexual experiences were not pleasant. I have endured sexual assault and r*pe, as well as being pressured into sexual acts. Aside from a few months during my third relationship, I never really enjoyed being intimate. 

 

Now, I’m learning more and more about myself. I’m learning to accept my body and appreciate all that it does for me. I’m learning from many badass beautiful women that loving myself and intimacy should be enjoyable and on your own terms. I saw so many women taking their intimacy and experiences into their own hands, and owning it. They tackled the taboo and stigma that surrounded female pleasure and inspired me to overcome my own biases.